Detectives of the Caribbean:Curse of the DeathNote
by Zori-chan
Summary: Crossover of Death Note and Pirates of the Caribbean. What would it be like if the Whammy's boys lived a life on the high seas while they were trying to catch Kira? Randomness, absurdity and flat out stupidity follows.
1. Intro

**Intro:**

Just thought that I'd explain a little more about this fic and how I came up with it and all its stupidity so that you aren't too confused. Obviously this is a parody crossover of Death Note and Pirates of the Caribbean….OK you KNOW things are gonna get weird when two things so completely different get mixed.

LOL the idea came to me when I realized that if Mello's eye had been badly damaged from being burned, then he either would have a) gotten it replaced or b) worn an eye patch. Somehow I managed to picture him with it and added REALLY bad teeth, a mustache and threw Jack Sparrow's clothes into the mix- hat and all. I couldn't stop laughing at the thought! I thought that someone should make a parody crossover fic of it because it would be freaking hilarious and I thought to myself, "Hey, why don't I do it?" Then somehow I thought of Near and it turned into Commodore Nearington….don't ask how I came up with that. But that's how _Detectives of the Caribbean: Curse of the Death Note_ was born!

So here's a list of the PotC characters and what they've been turned into for DotC!

Captain Jack Sparrow = Jack Mello

Commodore James Norrington = Com. Nate Nearington

Mr. Gibbs = Watari

_The Black Pearl_ = _The Death Note_ yes I turned it into a ship. Deal with it.

Davey Jones= Davey L

Will Turner = Matt Gamer

Elizabeth Swann = Kyomi Swann(pff like I'd make stupid Misa be the smart heroine)

Ragetti & Pintel = Mikami & Misa(ha she's a stupid one-eyed freak)

Cotton & his parrot = Mogi and his parrot

Jack the Monkey = Rem the Monkey (ha ha I couldn't resist)

Capt. Barbossa = Capt. Barkira

Gillette(Norrington's right-hand man dude) = Roger

Barbossa's 1st Mate = Ryuuk

Now that that's out of the way: Onto the randomness and stupidity! Lol I hope someone finds this funny. And if it sucks- please let me know so I can delete, start over or whatever. But since its about the Kira Case on the high seas, it should be somewhat amusing. Besides- who else besides me wants to picture Matt with a shirt that shows off his chest somewhat and tight pants? C'mon, don't be afraid, raise those hands.


	2. Chapter 1

**(A/N: I'm so sorry that its taken so long to add this. I finished this chapter like...a week or two ago in study hall but then I forgot t bring it home for the weekend. Then during the week, I was stricken with a terrible disease known as Writers Laziness. Its worse than Writers Block!!! So yeah, I had started typing some of it, then the WL took over and I didn't finish typing until today. I do not own anything you recognize. That includes Willy Wonka. I just own the randomness, stupidity, and absurdity that follows.)**

A handsome man stepped onto the docks off of his sinking boat. He had messy blonde hair that came a little past his chin and blue eyes. He wore three-cornered hat, a leather overcoat, lots of rings and a rosary necklace along with some piraty-looking clothes. A sword hung at his hip along with a pistol with a single shot inside.

"Sir, it will be a shilling to tie your boat up at the docks!" an ugly old man said to the younger one.

The first man handed him three chocolate coins wrapped in gold paper. "Lets forget the name or else I'll shoot you."

"…Welcome to Port Apples, Smithy."

The blond man walked around the docks of Port Apples until he came upon a big brown ship with the name "The Cakeless" engraved on the sides in gothic font. He ran onto the shit, passing two guards and rested his hands on the steering wheel.

"Hey! You can't be here!" one of the guards said. He had a nametag that said "Aizawa".

"But its suck a pretty boat-er ship- and its brown…like chocolate…Besides, that boat- I mean, ship- is much nicer-looking. Why don't you guard it?" he pointed to another, nearby ship with the title, "The Special Provision for Kira".

"But _The Cakeless_ is the fasted ship on the Caribbean," said the other guard with a nametag that said "Matsuda".

"Oh please, _The Death Note_ is waaaaaay faster dudes."

"…_The Death Note_?"

"Yeah, _The Death Note_. It's the fastest ship on the Caribbean and it has a cursed crew that turns into ugly winged creatures called Shinigami at night. Not only that, but the captain- Captain Barkia(but people call him Captain Imagay behind his back)- can kill people by writing their names on the sails of his ship." The blond man nodded as he crossed his arms.

"Pffft. Whatever." Aizawa scoffed.

"Who are you and what's you're purpose here anyway?" asked Matsuda. "And no lies!" he added quickly.

"OK. You've caught me. I'm Captain Jack Mello. I've come to kidnap a pretty ship then sail to Mafia, get a crew to use until their of no further value and kill Captain Imagay of _The Death Note_ and expose him for who is really is before Nearington can," Mello said with a straight face.

"Hey, I said no lies!"

"…I don't think he was lying."

Mello rolled his eyes as the two guards got into an argument and took out a chocolate bar. As he was eating it, he noticed a girl in a really fancy dress fall off a cliff and into the sea, miraculously missing the rocks.

"Hmmm….I feel like someone should save her so that she can die later…" Mello noticed that no one else was gonna save the chick so(after finishing his precious chocolate) he dove into the ocean and swam after her.

Her fancy-smancy(and really ugly) yellow dress was dragging her down and soo clashed with her locket. But since she was dragging him down to, he did the only thing a man like him could do. He stripped her. Not completely of course but now she was only wearing a thin bodice…that was wet….and a corset. The young woman had black hair and was semi-pretty but she wasn't anything for him to drool over. He swam her back to the docks where Aizawa and Matsuda were waiting to help.

Once back on the docks, Mello ripped off her corset and gave her CPR. Aizawa stared in shock. "WTF?!?! You stripped Kyomi Swann! Governor Soichiro Swann's daughter!!!"

Matsuda glared at Mello. "You bastard!"

"It was to save her damn life!" Mello snarled. By this time, more guards along with some men in fancy pants had shown up at the scene. Kyomi coughed up some water and looked around in shock with a stupid look on her face.

"I'm not dead!" she cried stupidly, pointing out the obvious. That's when she noticed that she barely had any clothes on. "WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU PERVS! Thanks for saving my life though," she added and looked at Mello.

The man in the fanciest pants(they were also the biggest pants) put his coat around Kyomi. He was Governor Soichiro Swann, graying hair and all. He ordered the guards to stand down(cuz he could do that you know) and properly thanked Mello(who'd gone back to eating a chocolate bar) for saving his "precious daughter".

"Yeah, sure whatever. Just shut up and let me eat my damn chocolate!"

The other fancy-pantsed man had curly white- wait did I say man? Oops. Sorry. I meant kid. Anyway, as I was saying, the **kid** in fancy pants had curly white hair and black emotionless eyes. His clothes were pure white and his skin was nearly as pale. In fact…it almost looked like he was wearing fancy…PJ's?

"Yes, thank you indeed for saving Miss Swann," he said in an emotionless voice and shook Mello's hand. He suddenly rolled up Mello's sleeve to reveal a _D_ branded into his forearm "Ah-ha. Just as I deduced. You're a detective, and a renegade one at that." He rolled up the sleeve further to reveal…a tattoo of a…chocolate bar flying off into the sunset?(he must have been drunk or something when he got it…or just really obsessed with chocolate…) "Jack Mello," he said emotionlessly.

"Its _Captain_ Jack Mello you- wait. _NEAR_?! WTF! OMFG!!" Mello blinked…and blinked…and blinked again.

"Its Commodore Nearington now, Jack."

"Well its Mello for me, loser. What are you even doing here!"

"That's what I should be asking you- besides, the author wants me in the story so that events can be like a PotCed story of Death Note," Nearington gave a nod and the guards seized Mello and took his effects. "Hmm…a pistol with one shot, a compass that doesn't point North-"

Mello interrupted, "Of course it doesn't point North! It points to the chocolate that you want most. Duh. I stole it from Willy Wonka."

Nearington merely blinked as he took Mello's sword out of its sheath. The sword was made of wood. "And I half-expected it to be made of chocolate. Take him away." He returned the sword to its sheath.

"No way! I won't be a pawn in your game, Near! I will beat you! I WILL BE 1!" Mello screamed and took out a detonator then pressed the button, blowing up the docks and all the ships except for _The Cakeless_ and _The Special Provision for Kira_. Mello ran off, freeing himself from his shackle-thingies(which were just toy hand-cuffs) and ran off into the city of Port Apples, looking for a place to randomly hide and get caught in later. The guards had shot after him(at least, the ones that were still conscious tried to) and other guards randomly showed up and started looking for him. So Mello ran into the nearing building he could find: a video game store.

**(A/N: What do you think? lolz I already have future scenes in mind that are really random- Willy Wonka will be brought up again. Including the mystery of how he got that single gray hair right before his Semi-Annual Annual Hair Cut! Hopefully I'll have the next chapter up soon, I already have what to do in mind. I'm not gonna put it on paper though because every time I do, it takes forever to get it on the computer. Also- I have a poll on my profile, please check it out and vote for the fics that I should spend the most time on!)**


	3. Chapter 2

**(A/N: OMG it gets more random! Along with more stupidity and absurdity! And it deviates a little more from Pirates with a very loosely similar plot line. Also, some of the "Yo Momma" jokes are from Meet the Spartans. I LOVE that movie! I don't own Pirates of the Caribbean, or Death Note(though it'd be totally awesome if I did). The only thing I own is the retarded-ness of what happens when the two are mixed together by a slightly ADD author with an over-active imagination and too much time on her hands. Oh and sorry that its taken so long- I had Writers Laziness again….and to be honest a majority of this fic- the majority being everything but the 1****st**** paragraph- was typed on March 1****st****…sorry guys….REVIEW!)**

Mello leaned against the door, panting exaggeratedly. A red-haired guy in striped 17th Century shirt and blue eyes looked at him curiously, a cigar in his mouth and a hand-held video game in his…hand…(seriously people where ELSE would it be?)

"Um….why are you panting like that?" he asked.

"Hello! Didn't you read the last chapter?"

"No. I was too busy playing Kingdom Hearts on X-box 360. Are you gonna answer my question?"

Mello sighed exaggeratedly. "I just went through a chase seen with people shooting at me after blowing up the docks. Duh."

"Oh…Well then…"

"So can you like, move so I can leave?"

"Sorry dude, I can't do that."

Mello sighed. "It looks like I'll have to do things to hard way. WE MUST DUEL!"

******

Mello swung his sword at Matt who dodged it. They're swords clashed together while they yelled insults at one another.

"Yo momma is SOOO fat that when she saw a school bus she yelled 'Follow that twinkie!'" Matt yelled.

"My mother eats CHOCOLATE not Twinkies! And yo momma is soooo hairy that the only language she speaks is Wookie!"

"Well yo momma is sooo fat that when she jumps up and down the earth shakes!" Matt sneered.

"Ya know what? Yo momma is so fat that her pant size is 'Bitch loose some weight'!" Mello yelled.

"Oh no you didn't!"

"Oh yes I di-id."

Matt then proceeded to stab Mello and the words "Game Over" flashes on the screen. "Ha! I win!"

Mello shot the X-box after loosing the Pirates of the Caribbean video game and it exploded causing Matt to scream like a little girl. Mello glared at Matt. "No fair! You freaking work in a video game shop! Why do you practice so much anyway? Can't you get a girlfriend?!"

"Pugh. I practice so much because their fun. And I could totally get a girlfriend if I wanted too. Don't you know that I have more fan girls than you, Near, and Light Imagay put together?" he smirked.

Mello's eye twitched. "Well this isn't Death Note! This is a stupid crossover Parody that has absolutely no plot and no point! This author is freaking ADD is and probably retarded, I mean c'mon she put freaking NEAR in here! I'm way better than Near!"

"You do know that the author is also very short-tempered and will probably somehow kill off your character now, right? And the guy that Near parodies is killed in the 3rd movie."

"He is? SWEET! And the author won't kill me. I'm too freaking awesome." (The author is currently coming up with ideas for Mello's death scene).

Matt rolled his eyes. "Whatever. I still have more fan-girls. And according to the script, Nearington is gonna show up in 5...4...3...2...1...cue knocking." At that point someone started knocking on the door.

"Aw shit! Matt let me out of here!"

"No Mello I cannot do that. While I helped you in Death Note- and got my ass killed for it too- the script says that I can't help you until Takeda is kidnapped."

"Takeda gets kidnapped? But you help me kidnap her!"

"WRONG STORY RETARD!!! Gosh you're thinking Death Note! In Pirates, Elizabeth- who Takeda parodies- is kidnapped that Jack Sparrow and Will Turner team up to rescue her gosh!"

"Wait so you're gonna fall for Takeda?"

"Gross no! The author has something else planned that's completely stupid, just like this story."

"Didn't you just say not to insult the author and her story?" Mello raised an eyebrow as the author comes up with Matt's death scene. Mello then proceeded to point his gun at Matt. "Let me go out the back exit or else I'll shoot your brains out!"

Matt snickered. "Your gun doesn't scare me. Besides, I know that there was only one shot and you used it on my X-box 360! You need to pay for that by the way. Point is you won't shoot-" BANG.

Smoke came out of Mello's gun and there was now a bullet hole in Matt's forehead. Matt blinked. "wtf…I'M ALIVE!" Mello's eye twitched again- no one seemed to wonder how he managed to shoot a second bullet out of a gun that only had one in it in the first place. As Mello went to punch Matt in the face and make his way out, the store owner came up behind him and hit him over the head with a Rock Band guitar and knocked him out. Nearington and his men then filed into the room.

Nearington looked boredly at the scene. "Good work unnamed store owner who's not at all important to the story. Matt Gamer- you might want to have that bullet wound looked at. Men, take Jack Mello and lock him up. He shall be hanged at some point or another." Nearington blinked and paused for a moment before saying, "You two didn't insult the author or her story did you?"

Matt stuttered. "What? Pugh, heh NO! Heh, wh-why would we do that? Pff." He laughed nervously.

Nearington blinked again. "Hm. Well whatever. I'm sure that whatever the author has come up with for your death scenes is quite random and stupid," he said as the guards dragged Mello away. Matt gulped and blinked nervously and Near left the store.

*******

Mello scowled in his cell. He was quite angry. The guards had taken away his gun, his compass, his hat and…and…and they took his chocolate! Oh the agony of being chocolate-less. There were some other whiny prisoners there too but thank god they were in a different cell or else Mello would have been praying that Kira would give him a heart attack or something.

That's when the cannon shots started. And of course, a cannon ball goes through the walls and frees the _other_ prisoners but not Mello. He looked out the window and saw a black ship with ragged black sails. There was a pirate flag with a jolly roger of a skeleton writing in a notebook. The words _The Death Note_ were engraved on the side. Mello's eyes widened and he punched the wall. "OMG! Kira!" He could see the Shinigami running through the streets, killing random people to up their life span and doing other piratey things. And at some point he saw two of Kira's lackeys- Mikami and Misa- going back to the ship with Takeda. Then a monkey bake and stole Misa's wooden eye and she had to go chasing after it. But that's beside the point. The point is that Mello was still stuck in the stupid cell while Kira sailed away. Damn.

**(A/N: So there you have it! Hopefully Writers Laziness won't set in again and I'll work on chapter 3 sooner than like, 3 weeks after I've added the previous chapter. and PLZ review and PLZ check out my other stories and PLZ vote on the poll on my profile! it's a poll for which story I should put most of my focus on. So far this fic has no votes. But if I get more votes for any fic- they Mello will get chocolate!)**


	4. Chapter 3

**(A/N: *cough* well…heh…writer's laziness and procrastination DID set in…again….but I got bored and decided "Hey! Lets write some more stupid shit to amuse myself!" so I did. And here you have, stupid shit and all. I probably won't get another chapter added until summer cuz I want to work some more on Hidden Identity and Like A Drug)**

Mello's eye twitched. "FUCK YOU KIRAAAAAAAAAAAAA!". He wanted his ship. Why? Because it was filled with chocolate dammit! There was one room that was completely MADE of chocolate!(He'd been licking the walls of it when he was kicked off this ship but that's a different story that will show up later in this fic to add some stupidity and amusement.)

Meanwhile, in another part Port Apples…

Matt was playing Final Fantasy and totally kicking ass at it when he happened to notice some people run by. He snorted as he said, "Pussies. Probably just another jailbreak." Then he noticed the ugly Shinigami run by chasing them while writing the names of people in the death notes while also waving pirate swords in the air.

Matt jumped back, crashing into the TV and wetting his pants as he screamed like a little girl, "OH MY GOD!!! MOMMY!" He shook his head and cleared his throat, "Ahem, I mean- OH MY GOD!! I gotta get my guns!" and changed his pants while getting those guns. Then he went out and jumped into his awesome kickass car and drove off after the shinigami. He shot them all numerous times but it never worked. Lucky for him though, his windows were tinted so they couldn't see his face and know him name. But he was so focused on shooting the Shinigami(and muttering about how many points he got for shooting one in the ass), that he crashed the kickass car into the side of a building.

However, crashing the car allowed him to notice that the Shinigami were dragging Takeda onto their ship. "Gah! NOOO! They can't take Takeda! She has my Nintendo DS!" He got out of his car and bolted towards Takeda, only to be bowled over and trampled by the Shinigami as they ran towards the ship to leave.

When he finally woke up the next morning, he raced over to the fort (Fort Minor to be specific) and started yelling at Nearington and everyone else that was there.

"Matt. Matt! MATT STFU!!!!" Nearington yelled. "Jesus Christ I think I lost my hearing!!!! What the hell is your problem?"

Matt stopped his yelling and stared in shock. "OMG. Did you just like, show _emotion_? I think I might die!!"

"Don't worry. You will at the end of this fic."

"Pfshaw. Whatev. The author like, loves me."

"Why are you even here."

"We gotta go save Takeda's sorry ass."

"That's what we're doing."

"Well you aren't doing it right. The script says that I should suggest that we get Spar- I mean Mello's help."

"And the script also says that we don't listen to that suggestion. Now why do you even want to save Takeda? Don't tell me that you actually have feelings for her?"

Matt scoffed. "Hah! Yeah right! I just want to save her so I can get my DS back. Why do you want to save her?"

"The script says I have to or else the author will hold the creators of Death Note hostage until they change the series so that I die instead. That and the author could make me act really out of character like she did 10 short paragraphs ago."

"Hm…well then…I guess this is where I go do something stupid to get my DS back…"

"Sounds about right."

And so that's exactly what Matt did. He broke into the jail, used his awesome guns to get Mello free and the two managed to do a really cool switchy-boat thingy like their Pirates Counterparts by taking _The SPK_ and then tricking all the sailor people onto it and taking _The Cakeless_ instead while Matt practiced some (really bad) pirate lingo.

"Avast ye mateys or else I'll cast ye to Davey Jones locker!!!"

Mello slapped him upside the head. "You dolt! Its Davey _L_'s locker! Get with the program for god's sake ! Jeez!"

"Hey will L even show up in this fic?"

"Nah, but the entire sequel will be about him."

"There's gonna be a sequel? Cool! But wait, I thought Near said we were all gonna die. How can we be in the next one if we die?"

"We come back to life. Duh. Its what every Death Note fan does in their fics. Besides, I doubt we'll actually die. The author loves us!"

"Yeah but we did make fun of this story…and Near probably hacked onto her computer and read what was coming next."

Mello shot Matt in the face this time. "Idiot! The author never rights ahead! She procrastinates and makes it up as she goes! Now lets get back to the script and sail for Mafia!"

"I thought it was Tortuga…" Matt had miraculously survived the gunshot(and was wondering how the gun had another bullet in it when was only supposed to have one bullet in it which he had already used).

"Ugh that's in the PotC movie! But since in DN I join with the Mafia, the town name has been changed from Tortuga to Mafia to correspond with me working with the mafia to catch Kira, beat Near and BE NUMBER 1!!! And since when are you so stupid????"

Matt shrugged. "I dunno. Must be something new. Hey does mafia have any video games?"

Mello slapped his hand across his face- this was going to be a looong trip to Mafia.


	5. Chapter4

**(A/N: wow...it actually took me two months to update it this time. Anyway, so I actually wrote most of it today-June 28- I just started and it came really easily after that because I had nothing else to do. Anyway, enjoy. Who the hell even knows when it will be updated again.)**

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Finally, after a long voyage where Mello ran out of chocolate and Matt wouldn't shut up about Final Fantasy, Zelda, and all sorts of other video game crap that Mello _really_ did not care about, they reached the town of Mafia. The town was dirty and rundown, with lots and lots of bars and taverns, dirty drunkards chasing slutty women with low-cut dresses and fights breaking out over stupid things while the drunks fell asleep with the pigs. Speaking of drunks and pigs, that's exactly where Mello and Matt ended up. No, they weren't the ones drunk but they found a drunkard sleeping with pigs.

"Hey! That's Watari!" Matt said cheerfully.

Mello rolled his eyes. "You aren't supposed to know him, you moron." Mello picked up a bucket of water and threw it onto the man.

"What in the blazes! Who are ye that dare to wake me?" He shouted.

"Watari get off your lazy butt."

The man sighed, "You have me confused with someone else, lad, my name is Mr. Gibbs. And don't you know its bad luck to wake up a sleeping man?"

"You're Watari. Get over it. It's a damn parody fic so deal with it. And in order to counter that bad luck, I'm going to buy you more drinks down at that tavern full of people who are about ready to riot while you listen to my propositions and then do as I say because if you don't I'll blast you're head off."

"Well I guess I can't really argue with tha-argh!!" Mr. Gibbs sputtered as more water was splashed onto him.

"I was already awake, dammit! What did you do that for!" he glared at Matt.

Matt blinked and replied, "…I honestly don't know…"

Mello rolled his eyes again for what must have been the millionth time that day. Matt wasn't nearly this stupid in the anime and manga…then again he was only in the anime for like 5 minutes and only in like 12 panels where he didn't say much in either one, so who really knows how stupid he was. Impatient and not wanting to waste any more time, Mello grabbed the two guys by their necks, who were now arguing over absolutely nothing(ha! That'd be funny if there was actually a reason for something in this fic!) and dragged them into the tavern.

He roughly tossed Matt at a wall and said, "Now stand there and don't do anything stupid!" then he practically threw poor Mr. Gibbs into a booth and sat down across from him.

"Now, Watari-"

"That's Mr. Gibbs."

"Whatever. Don't interrupt me or I'll shoot you. Hey!" he called to a server, "What does a guy have to do around here to get some chocolate?!" He sighed and shook his head, turning his attention back to Mr. Gibbs, pointing his gun at him and cocking it. "Service here is terrible. Now, as I was saying, I want to catch Kira and beat Nearington. I know that Kira is cursed because he stole and lost the 187 cursed Nintendo DS's of Fusajiro Yamauchi-"

"The what?" Mr. Gibbs interrupted.

"WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT INTERUPTING ME?!" Mello screamed, then calmed down as the server brought him some hot chocolate. "The cursed Nintendo DS's are the prototypes made by Nintendo which is founded but that Yamauchi guy and the first 187 were defects and full of bugs and glitches. it's the reason that Kira and his crew are cursed to be Shinigami so the Death Notes just come with it and the sails are made from the pages of Death Notes. Honestly, don't you know anything?"

"What sort of story am I in?! This is insane!"

"I told you it's a crack parody fic. Now shut up. So I want to catch Kira before Near can. I already stole a lovely ship called _The Cakeless_. But me and the moron over their can't do it ourselves so I need you to round up some dumb asses to man it for me. Got it Watari?"

"Its Mr.- oh whatever. And what makes you think you can catch this Kira guy?"

"Because the idiot over there," Mello pointed to Matt, "is the son of some guy Kira killed off and its his knowledge of gaming that can fix the defected Nintendo DS's and lift the curse. Once the curse is lifted, Kira can have all those Death Notes to himself and kill even more people and not look like an ugly monster so he can be the stupid god of his goddamn mother fucking new world that will probably end up like shit. So to put it simply, that guy is my leverage. I hope he gets shot…"

"But he's your leverage!"

"Yeah and I hate him! He's so annoying! I swear, I don't know how I felt bad about his death in the anime and manga."

Mr. Gibbs blinked, confused. He had no idea what this lunatic was talking about but he had a feeling that it was best to shut up and nod since this guy _was_ holding a gun at him and was probably crazier than Jack Sparrow. He really had no idea how he got mixed up in this story. The world really was getting more messed up every day. What ever happened to the good old days of sailing on that ship under Commodore Norrington and telling that stupid girl to shut up about singing Pirate songs. Now it was _Near_ington and Jack _Mello_ and ugh. He really needed a drink…

"So are you in or not?"

"Well…I guess I don't really have much of a choice."

"That's the spirit! Now where's Matt?" Mello looked around. "Oh there he is!"

Matt was currently being harassed by some ugly chick in even uglier clothing(if that was possible because Mello thought that everyone dressed really ugly except for him).

The girl sided up to him and got her face really close to his. Her eyes narrowed a bit then she suddenly pulled down his goggles over his eyes and screamed and squealed loudly. "OMG! OMG! Oh! My! GOD!!! Its MATT! Oh my god its MATT! EEEEEEEE!" Suddenly it was pandemonium. Every single girl in the tavern looked up and screamed than raced towards Matt, screaming things like, "OMG!" "I LOVE YOU!" "MARRY ME!" and the ever famous "I GOT HIS SHIRT!" Yes, the fan girls were trying to rip off his clothing. Go figure.

"Gaaaah!" Matt raced away, trying very hard to keep his goggles, clothes and many, many video games.

Mello's eye twitched. "Why are all those girls chasing after _him_? I'm the one with a gorgeously scarred face and a hot bod! He's a geek! A dork! I am a god! I'm sexier than Adonis!"

Mr. Gibbs blinked, "I guess he wasn't kidding when he said that he had a lot of fan girls like, last chapter."

"Grrraaah! Its not fair!! Why did the author have to cast overly-obsessed fan girls for every girl in this tavern! Why couldn't as least one be a Mello fan-girl! I appear much more than him in the anime and the manga! And I have better hair and taste in clothes! He just gets a lot of bullet holes put through him, smokes, plays video games and drives a cool car! This is SO not fair!"

"Aye, life ain't fair, and neither are women. That's why I stick to the sea."

"Oh save it, Watari, I know you're not a real sailor."

"Blast it! For god's sake my name is NOT Watari! Its Mr. Gibbs!"

"Wow you have some really strong commitment! You know you're just parodying him, right?"

Mr. Gibbs growled slightly then sighed. "Oh just go get your damn leverage and I'll go get ye a crew."

"Yeah sure whatever." Mello finished his chocolate bar(and about twenty others) before finally going off to search for Matt. What did Matt have that he didn't have? Maybe it was the goggles…nah too dorky. The smokes? No, it gives him really stinky breath and bad teeth. The car? Yeah, it was definitely the car. So where were all of _his_ fan girls?

"Dammit, if I don't meet a fan in the next chapter, I'm shooting the author," he muttered darkly, following the mass of footprints and wreckage and destruction of the town that was the result of the rampage of the fan girls.

* * *

**(Poor Mello...he has no fangirls. But if I get enough reviews, maybe he'll get one next chapter. Maybe. And if not a fangirl, then he'll get lots of chocolate somehow.)**


End file.
